Madison Parker - Essay - Roane County
Item
Title
Madison Parker - Essay - Roane County
Description
Depression
Abstract
Depression is a real thing. A lot of people suffer from it. It's sad how people could joke about something so serious. I've been to points that I have wanted to kill myself and not much holding me back from it. It's hard to move on when you don't feel any better from the day it happened. The day that my mom and my dad died, a really bad breakup, losing friends, losing my dog getting hit by a car, the list just keeps going.
Life is hard, I know that. But I'm snuggling tmly to keep going. At times I just want to end it all and not have to stI·uggle anymore, but I don't want to leave my grandparents and friends. They're the only reason I'm here.
I just want people that have depression, anxiety, PTSD and other mental disorders that see happy pictures of me, there are none that show the real stuff that I suffer from and the way I live. I stay at home, I don't go anywhere. I'm home schooled. I lay in bed all day, do my school work and listen to music. There's not much to my life other than that. All I do is think. My anxiety is so bad I can't even go to Walmart without having a whole break down of nervousness to go out in public. I am constantly reminded "You'll tum out like your parents, just watch." Even from people that I'm close to and love. I don't want to be them.
Can't people see that I'm my own person and their choices don't have anything to do with what choice I'll make? It's so draining to hear that all of the time. People call me "crazy, psycho, gone nuts" you name it, they've said it. I'm honestly starting to believe it too. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I have "gone nuts". But at least I care. I care for so many people that don't give two craps about me. But it's alright, I don't need anyone. I'm fme on my own. I'm done letting people run all over me because I refuse to let someone go. I am not someone who likes drama. I hate drama. I hate when people are mad and upset at me.
September was definitely not my month. It was an awful month and a lot of stuff happened that I totally regret doing. I caused a lot of unneeded drama out of hurt and heartbreak. I caused so many people to hate me. If I could go back and change everything that I did wrong, I totally would. No questions asked. I just wish I could be a different person and prove to people that I'm not as bad as people make me out to be. Yes, I've done a lot of stuff that was stupid and I never should have done. But, I've apologized and am a different person from that time. Yes, I am still depressed, hurt and suffering, but I've changed my ways from being that dramatic girl that wanted only her way or no way. I wish people would please let things go, and restnt. If only people would get to know the real me and understand my views, then they wouldn't hate me. I know that I have a good heart and am a good person. I try my best to keep people happy, even over myself. I'm everyone's person to cry to, give advice and just be there. But is anyone there when I need someone to cry to, need advice, or just be there for me? No. If there are, they are very few and don't want to talk long. If people really cared like they said they did, they would try and make an effort.
Life is hard, I know that. But I'm snuggling tmly to keep going. At times I just want to end it all and not have to stI·uggle anymore, but I don't want to leave my grandparents and friends. They're the only reason I'm here.
I just want people that have depression, anxiety, PTSD and other mental disorders that see happy pictures of me, there are none that show the real stuff that I suffer from and the way I live. I stay at home, I don't go anywhere. I'm home schooled. I lay in bed all day, do my school work and listen to music. There's not much to my life other than that. All I do is think. My anxiety is so bad I can't even go to Walmart without having a whole break down of nervousness to go out in public. I am constantly reminded "You'll tum out like your parents, just watch." Even from people that I'm close to and love. I don't want to be them.
Can't people see that I'm my own person and their choices don't have anything to do with what choice I'll make? It's so draining to hear that all of the time. People call me "crazy, psycho, gone nuts" you name it, they've said it. I'm honestly starting to believe it too. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I have "gone nuts". But at least I care. I care for so many people that don't give two craps about me. But it's alright, I don't need anyone. I'm fme on my own. I'm done letting people run all over me because I refuse to let someone go. I am not someone who likes drama. I hate drama. I hate when people are mad and upset at me.
September was definitely not my month. It was an awful month and a lot of stuff happened that I totally regret doing. I caused a lot of unneeded drama out of hurt and heartbreak. I caused so many people to hate me. If I could go back and change everything that I did wrong, I totally would. No questions asked. I just wish I could be a different person and prove to people that I'm not as bad as people make me out to be. Yes, I've done a lot of stuff that was stupid and I never should have done. But, I've apologized and am a different person from that time. Yes, I am still depressed, hurt and suffering, but I've changed my ways from being that dramatic girl that wanted only her way or no way. I wish people would please let things go, and restnt. If only people would get to know the real me and understand my views, then they wouldn't hate me. I know that I have a good heart and am a good person. I try my best to keep people happy, even over myself. I'm everyone's person to cry to, give advice and just be there. But is anyone there when I need someone to cry to, need advice, or just be there for me? No. If there are, they are very few and don't want to talk long. If people really cared like they said they did, they would try and make an effort.
Youth(s) First Name and Initial of Last Name
Madison Parker
Age Division
14
Category
Essay
County
Roane
